Cleanse to lose or to gain?

The juice cleanse has been a rave for a few years now.  Most places that serve fresh pressed, squeezed, blended veggies and fruits offer a juice cleanse package.  But what are they really selling and does the consumer know why they are doing the cleanse in the first place?  How do you know which one to do and from where?  And are there any health issues I should be concerned about if I have hypoglycemia, IBS, colitis, etc.?  What if my lifestyle doesn’t allow for “time off” from work, kids, activity, etc?

I tried a 3 day juice cleanse last week for the first time.  I was absolutely miserable, hangry, tired, dizzy, and just no good for me or anyone else.  And the problem is, I have a career that is so active and with people in service all day, I don’t have time to not be 100%.  So basically I became my own science project to see what would happen to my mind, my spirit, and me.  My 3-day story goes to show not everyone is made for a “commercial” juice cleanse.

I have never been a believer in not eating.  My body needs food to aid my belly in digestion by the pure act of chewing.  Chewing releases certain enzymes in your saliva that aid the process of proper absorption in your stomach.  When I miss the chewing process throughout a day, my stomach gets bloated and gassy.  When I finally do eat a solid meal or protein, my stomach instantly goes down and the pains go away.  This is similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome in the way it feels and looks.  I have had IBS in the past.  It is a precursor for how sensitive my digestion is with food, therefore I am very aware of what I can and cannot eat. 

1^st Day:  Well its 5:45am and I can’t have my morning ritual of coffee, apple, and a couple crackers to get me ready and rolling for my first client at 7am.  She is in for a real treat as I am already in a bad mood missing my ritual.  I drink my first juice while we train.  I had no energy and was moody.  I told her to forgive my attitude because I am juicing.  It took a lot of inner wisdom and self talk to be nice and motivating.  I got on to my next Juice for my first class at 815am praying for some inner energy to just burst through, and it didn’t.  I was not on my game.  I lacked confidence and motivation.  So by the 930am class the angry came out, no food, lots of activity all ready and people not paying attention because I wasn’t doing the movements with them got me fired up!  I actually trained with them, dug deep and got after it.

After that last class I felt spent.  So I added some plant based protein into the next juice.  Then I started thinking, where am I going to get my fiber to push things through?  I added a little flaxseed to the drink as well hoping to fill my tummy up with something it could release the bloating.  Then I totally crashed and took a nap, however my mind was going a thousand miles an hour because I was hungry.  I knew then my flighty airhead side was going to come out and work on the computer was out of the question for the next few days.  I would stare at it and nothing would happen.  I think one time I sat there for 2 hours and got nothing finished. 

By the eve I had to eat something warm because I was feeling cold and light headed.  I ate a sweet potato (it was awesome!) and salad with olive oil and lemon after the concern from my trainer friend Moses and my mother.  Moses looked at me while I was trying to work on my computer and just shook his head.  “Ashley go eat.”  That was it; the look on his face was priceless. 

My mother said, “Cleansing is for assholes.  It is the mind, heart and spirit that need the cleansing.  It is the one’s who use juice cleanses that need more internal light from a higher place, not a fucking juice.” 

Momma G’s poem goes:

Thank God you are no longer inflicting your fasting on others!

Cleanse your heart, mind, and spirit of waste and worry!

Let grudges gooooooo

Blockages will flow………!

My other friend Donovan said, “what do you need to cleanse for?  If you need to cleanse go to a third world country and hang out at someone’s door.” 

2^nd Day:  I woke up feeling better than I thought, more rested and I slept well.  Had some yerba mate to get me rolling with something hot and slightly stimulating.  Juices were going down along with some coconut oil and flax seed.  Man I was missing fat and fiber!!!!

I did my meditation and yoga flow to stimulate balance and digestion.  I felt good but no bowel movement for me today.  Another terrible sign that the day was gonna be tough.

By 8am I was on fire.  And not a good fire, like Pitta dosha fire, pissy, bossy, and a bitch.  I called one of my nicest clients a “competitive wench” instead of asking her to just slow down.  I was appalled by my behavior and I was unable to stop it.  But oh no, now I was in this to see what was going to happen to me.  I became my own little science project.  So I went to the gym for leg day, to train with heavy weights of all the things to do when not eating.  It was difficult to find the inner warrior I needed. 

The day just kept going with admin stuff with a new assistant and clients.  My assistant was laughing at me because my focus was everywhere.  Then I would look faint, then like a deer in head lights, then angry.  Thank God she knows me well or she would have been out of there!

Last client was great because she was “entertained by our bitch session” that occurred throughout the whole movement session.  She actually said that and that she felt a lot better.  Basically I told her all the events of the last 24 hours and how my belly looks like I was pregnant.  By now I am eating Gas Ex and trying to drink lots of water. 

I did eat again like the night before and added a little protein powder to the last juice to help me sleep.  Added some psyllium husk for movement in my belly and hoped for no bloat tomorrow.

3^rd day:  I was ready to wake up before my alarm!  That is a first…went for my juice and meditation with yoga.  I was feeling pretty good that morning.  No big changes in the way I looked, no weight loss, etc.  I had business as usual with clients at 7am until 12pm.  As the day went I got hangry, tired, dizzy, blurred vision, and was hopeless with work.  If there was any hope for me to continue I would have to go away on an island, not talk to people and not do a lot of movement.  Well that wasn’t going to happen on my salary.

My stomach was so descended by 4pm I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I was gassy, bloated and very irritated.  My boyfriend came to visit and just shook his head.  Not my most attractive best look.  I decided then, it is time to eat.  I went to Village Market and got a piece of salmon and some guacamole.  I ate it with such pleasure and gratitude.  As I consumed the food my stomach was doing a happy dance.  It literally started going down in minutes. My eyes started getting better vision, my color looked better, my attitude was better, and I was satiated.

Here is what I learned:

·      Everyone is different. 

·      You can’t just walk in to a place and do a cleanse.  Check out the ingredients, if you have food allergies to anything in the juices.  Ask if you need to take any other supplements to aid the cleansing process, digestion, etc.

·      I need to eat something while juicing because my life is so active.

·      I am an asshole when I cleanse.   And it does nothing for my bowels except screw them up.  Bloating and gas is not good for someone who is with people all day.  I had to hold every thing in!!!

·      Find out what cleanse is best for your dosha?  http://doshaquiz.chopra.comThis is Ayurvedic philosophy that really makes a lot of sense.  Mine is Vatta/Pitta, which means I have a lot of air and fire.  Those two imbalanced can create one hell of a firestorm.  I was a total airhead and then a total bitch.

·      It was very difficult for me to be serene and calm.  The morning was my best bet but once the day went forward, I needed food.

·      I lost muscle mass that I work hard enough for with my activity level.

·      What am I cleansing for?  I was trying to give my liver a break.  Well everything else sucked so was that really wasn’t worth it for 3 days?

·      My cleanse is for mind and body then the spirit has ease and rest.  I am in harmony when I am well nourished, my mind is steady, and I am doing what I love.