An eve of eating shitty hijacked my last 24 hours

Well I watched the Oscar's last night as totally ate off my usual diet.  I was irritated by the first 10 minutes of the show, saw the truffle oiled popcorn in front of me and went for it.  Chris Rock was pissing me off so much, creating more racism than quelling it that my choppers had to dig into something or just start cussing.  So there the emotional eating began and the wine to wash it down.

I went for cheese and turkey white bean chili next.  It was so delicious and homemade I had two bowls of it!  Oh god, why????  I don't eat beans, I rarely eat turkey and then throw some cheese in the mix and I feel like shit.  It hit me about an hour after I ate it.  My belly swelled up and expanded way beyond my normal load of food.  The entire night was hijacked by my "good time" of consumption to the point where I slept terrible, gaseous belly, and restless.  By morning I looked like a 6 month pregnant woman and had to go teach yoga.

The rest of my day was consumed with this horrible feeling of being bloated, toxic, and aggravated.  My focus and drive was so distracted that I basically had to do aerobic activity for over an hour just to get the fucking sloth out of my gut and my head.  I ran Bayshore and did step up intervals for 3 minutes at every bench I passed.  Exhausting but had to get the demon out.  

Thankfully my motivation and body instincts tell me to do this but it is a rare reaction to most I know.  So here is why YOU have to DO IT!

1.     The amount of food you put in must be burned off by the body and disposed.  If you are making it harder on the body than it can handle, get ready to handle feeling bad, gaining weight and losing energy.

2.     Losing energy and feeling bad will keep you from doing your work well, your passions, relating well with people you care about.

3.     If you are only working out light to moderate a few times a week hoping for better results, look at your plate and practice more “push aways” from the table.

Rest and Restore or Crash and Burn

This is how I felt most of the week.  I little sample of what I did and then undid.

This week has been energetically challenging for me due to many physical, emotional and spiritual reasons.  It is no surprise when I go back and take an inventory why I feel unbalanced and a bit of a shit show.  The full moon always gets me agitated.  My cycle begins along with it and most of the women I train because we are a tribe always together.  Finished up a “semester” of hypnotherapy that was targeted around my most intense wounds in my heart and soul.  Worked physically for 20 hours with clients and yoga studio’s.  Oh and less I forget, gathered my taxes and documents for the year and had to take inventory of my spending.  There are more things I am leaving out, that you all can fill in with your own story, because truly most of us experience similar things.  

So I had to balance all this shit out!  Omg if I didn’t well then I would not be able to do what I love the most, take care of others physically, mentally and spiritually.

I took my own advice and got rest this week at night.  Slept 8-9 hours every night.  I surrounded myself with friends and family, good food, sauna, bath, and an IV.  I did not train hard and offered more yoga to balance my energy.  I fed my body, mind and soul with a few things each day that balance.

The affects on me and others if I don’t do this:

1. I am irritable and aggravated which triggers my fears.
2. My self worth goes down the toilet.  I am not good enough.  The message come running through my mind.
3. I let down my boundaries because of my sense of worth.
4. I make irrational or poor decisions because I am not worth the other ones.
5. I will distract from all this and have some wine or get involved in emotional drama with family or relationships that do not serve me.
6. And now you can see the pattern quite clearly!

A favorite quote from Oriah Mountain Dreamer in “The Invitation”

“It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool, for love, for your dream, 

for the adventure of being alive.”

Just when I thought I lost myself, I went Full Circle

This summer has made me crazy!!!  I think you all have gotten that from me if you know me and read along. I work hard physically and mentally; the weather issues get me agitated, and life stuff.  All I want to do is escape, fly away, and stop everything at times.  You know what I mean?  Throw the towel in and live on an island.  Now I know that isn’t the answer but at least I am honest about it.  So here is a story on how I flew away to escape and came “full circle” to find my self again.

Journal entry from August 21, 2015

So grateful to be able to come back again and again to Venice Beach, CA and it always feels the same, HOME.  I had a few hours to spend alone so I drove around the neighborhood I used to live in and visited all my favorite little places to shop and eat and ended up on Rose Ave at Cervateca, a fabulous outdoor dining café.  I ate exquisite Peruvian ceviche and a glass of Malbec wine.  In an hour or so I was going to one of my favorite activities to do only in Venice Beach, ecstatic dance with a DJ.  This is what got me into yoga in the first place, dancing and moving for freedom of expression.  I had found my soul again!

My friend and teacher Julian Walker has these movements every week, as I follow him via newsletters etc., as a lifeline to my “people”.  So walking down the street from the café towards the address listed for the event I notice the familiarity and proximity to a place I thought I would never return to.  And there it was!  The Hare Krishna Temple, now redone and new!

The memories flooded through me, good and bad and indifferent.  This was my place of education, yoga, life, stereotypes broken, and eyes wide open.  I started my first teacher training in 2007 with Shiva Rea at Exhale Venice Beach.  Shiva had her students congregate at the temple every day for about 3-4 hours to go over materials and practice teaching with one another.  I thought it was the most disgusting place I had ever been in at the time. 

The floor was filthy, roaches and ants, trash and food in the corners and dirty Hare Krishna’s walking around like they had never seen a shower or laundry machine.  It was fucking disgusting so I went across the street on the 2^nd day of 10 days of training and bought Lysol and antibacterial lotion.  I would spray myself down in a spiral of disinfectant, all my items and mat after each visit.  People thought I was crazy.  I thought they were crazy for lying on the floor, face down practicing cobra pose!  My hope was to NEVER return again.  Well as life goes to show you, “never say never” and brings me back Full Circle, here I am again.  And the best part…it is called Full Circle.  Full Circle is a place to commune, to be free, to practice expression, art, movement, and unity.  All these things I have learned since 2007.  And out of all the places I have traveled to find it, all the time it has been right here!

I walked into the building after donating double the offering, did a face plant onto the floor and rolled all over the place.  I danced and crawled like the primal goddess that I am.  My soul was free to be and my body expressed it with such ecstatic joy.  All feelings flooded me with how life comes back “full circle”.  Life is not full of coincidences; it is full of synchronicity that makes us come FULL CIRCLE.

Namaste