Did you know stress and anxiety can shrink your brain and deteriorate your body?

I have chosen this year to break open my core wounds that have been with me since my childhood.  Not fucking comfortable stuff that is causing me to feel them all over again- creating fear, anxiety, depression and stress on my mind/body and spirit.  This is the “work” many will call it when you decide enough is enough and the old patterns and habits that have “worked” are not working any more.  This is yoga living off the mat.  This is AA’s 12 step process towards healing.  This is in many religions when you take on fully trusting in your higher power and surrendering.  It takes certain characteristics like humility, courage and the will to suffer in order to get better.

Now I am not saying to put yourself through this without guidance, therapy, etc. What I am saying is stress is a very real thing and choosing how to deal with it and how long it will affect you have some serious side effects.

So here is what is going on in your body and mind when you go through something like this.  There is a feedback loop in the brain, the anxiety tells it to replay the memory and in doing so takes over much of the thoughts going on in your mind. The new information coming in doesn't have a lot of space to settle in; therefore, you may even experience not remembering new memories, suffer learning new things, and other functions. That sucks! The fear based memories are so powerful they actually shrink your brain, especially the hippocampus. In turn you suffer from more anxiety, possibly depression, and can lead to Alzheimers in the end.  This is why you and I must not let the anxiety, depression and fear dictate our life and our destiny.

Your body knows when your mind is stressed, happy, angry and all the other emotions you feel.  In fact your body reacts with your emotions releasing hormones to go along with what your mind is feeling. For example, when you feel love oxytocin is released giving you a sensation of feeling good all over like the “chills or warm fuzzies”.  Your body, when feeling love and safety, can even emote with open arms wanting to express with a hug to share how good you feel.  When you are stressed you get the opposite hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline, causing your heart rate to increase, your blood pressure to rise, your breath to become shallow and the body literally takes on a defense looking posture.

You must MOVE!  Exercise is proven to relieve muscle tension, increase serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine; all of your feel good hormones.  Aerobic exercise lights up all the areas of the brain especially in the frontal cortex and hippocampus, helping you change the memories or feed back loop.  In fact the number one way to get all in one dose is the practice of yoga, a moving meditation with absorption of self at the end.  You see it all comes back to you and being centered.  And it’s a daily practice.

Protection is part of being a peaceful and mindful warrior

Gazing out at the birds this morning while meditating with nature on my back porch listening to the sweet calls of a bird I hear a squirrel do his angry sound.  He ruined the birds call, the song and rhythm of his morning prayers.  He ruined the peace by claiming his space.  Then there was silence.  One of the two got what they wanted.  It was probably the squirrel and his space in the tree.

Nature protects for very primal reasons.  We protect for primal reasons but also out of emotion, usually past emotions from a similar event that causes a trigger.  The trigger creates fear.  Fear is primal and causes specific chemicals to release in our body to have a response, to protect with flight, flight or freeze.  Fear can be caustic especially if felt over long periods of time.  Like many cultures and countries right now living in constant fear for their lives for the most simple things of getting water.

Protection

I have been protecting and defending my heart and place in this world since I was a little girl.  I remember the first few events that caused this armor.  both were related to men taking advantage of me physically, mentally and emotionally.  Not an uncommon story and all too common in this modern world.  But I am not here to tell you about me.  Here are some “nuggets” of real life things to do to protect yourself and still have compassion for others.  Basically not being a bitch, passive aggressive, or get taken advantage of.  Protection can mean boundaries.  Learn healthy ways to have relationships with those closest to you and beyond.

1.    Know your limits of time, money and self worth

2.    Do for yourself first then care for others needs

3.    Learn when to say no without feeling guilty

4.    Ask others for help or support

5.    Change your mood by moving your body, working out, etc.

6.    Make sure you have enough rest and food

7.    Breathe before you create conflict

The Right Timing

The Right Timing

The last couple of months I have been struggling with making decisions. Waiting for the universe to give me a sign.  Procrastinate.  Blame it on timing, the moon is, if Mercury is retrograde or if I make a mistake!  Now I ask, is there such a thing as the “right timing”? 

After all that mindless shit I find myself in doubt, fear that it won’t work out or if I don’t act right now then I will miss out.

These all have one thing in common, TRUST.

When you trust the unviverse or God, Spirit, something bigger and greater than you…you just might let go of the intense feelings.

I have had mnay opportunities to try and manipulate “right timing” like:

·      Willing myself to do it.  Pushing the deal to go through like making a wedding happen when I wanted.

·      Freeze: not do anything, no efforts that are even positive, denial.

·      Procrastinating:  fear of failure or success, perfectionism, leading me to not change my career when I wanted to.

These are human behaviors based upon learned or innate characteristics dependent upon core beliefs.

You can change it with some tools with some practice.

TRUST the universe, God, a higher power to help.  Demand it.

Gather resources: educate yourself on the topic or characteristic you are struggling with.  See your strengths and your weaknesses. Books, Youtube, the world wide web where you know you are not alone.

The first step in all of this is positive action by admitting your doubts and fears.

FEARS = false evidence appearing real

Weakness = strength as this a golden opportunity for you to change, grow and evolve.

Meditate on this:

I accept my doubts and fears.

The right timing for “blank” is directly related to my union with universal flow.

See yourself, visualize yourself doing the thing you want with total universal support.

Sit with the thoughts, observe your immediately feelings.  Use your senses like hearing the noises of where you might be in this change, smell the space, sense how others are around you there.

Observe your immediate reactions:

·      Do you feel anthing?

·      Anxiety, fear, sadness, joy, ease, powerful, awesome

The primary feelings you feel come from your highest self and intuition.  These are great gifts so use them.

Trust “right timing” with practice and allow the universe to support your highest good. 

What are your basic needs and are you living to fulfill them?

Finally on vacation where I can take of my needs, relax and be introspective.  Most of my days are filled with taking care of others, training others, and house holders duties.  There are not many moments when I am not “on” or waiting for the next moment to perform something.  As many of you are reading, you are probably nodding your head.  So if we are all taking care of others needs most of the time, when are we taking care of our own?  

Each morning while away I have taken time to meditate and journal.  During these introspective times I have found some valuable insight from doing a few very simple tasks.  I made a list of my needs, wants and desires.  Then I took some time, a day or two to think about them.  The choices I make daily that are not congruent with my needs and wants.

Here is what I came up with:

• sleep 8-9 hours every night
• meditate daily in the morning and/or afternoon
• personal movement 1 hour a day
• eat clean daily with more protein
• calm environment
• space daily for a few hours
• intimacy with friends or lover
• my mother to have health and peace
• time for friends and family 1-2 times a week
• vacation every 2 months
• go out to dinner 2 times a week

It’s not too fancy or extreme.  You will probably come up with something very similar.  So if we know what our needs are and they are not ridiculous, then what is getting in the way of making them possible?

Here is what I came up with:

• I over commit to others
• I get caught up in the moment and don’t get my sleep
• I don’t say no enough
• I don’t value my time and my worth

Pretty significant when I put it on paper.  After looking at it and thinking about it, wow! this is a spiral or dominos “effect” that affects all my affairs.  I have some Spring cleaning to do in my mind/body/heart house.  The first step is being honest.  The second is change the behaviors I can control.  The third is accept the things I cannot control.

May this encourage you to find peace and health.

When balance doesn't exist...

My crazy side when I let loose, dance and be free!

Today I am grateful, it’s the weekend! What a week or two I have had. Keeping my head above water, trying to get out of my head, and staying vertical has been a challenge. Too many roles and obligations I try to fill all the time. It is my own choice, as I act like the man in my relationship with myself. Well the "man" is tired and the "woman" needs to be seen and heard and most of all loved. All my life I have had to be more masculine in order to defend myself, stay in control when things were not due to family and financial distress.  Today my life is good, to most it probably seen awesome.  But inside deep down in the old wounds and mental patterns I still behave like it’s a struggle.  The struggle is real for most and me.  It is time for softness, the return of the feminine goddess we all have, even men, to show herself. 

BALANCE ladies, take a step back and be soft.  Allow others to help you just as much as you do. 

My week of self-love and BALANCE has been a journey. This is not a "pity party" story but a reminder to give back to yourself just as much as you give. Otherwise you just fucking break down. Monday I locked myself in to my house away from pollen and into movies. I never do that! Tuesday massage with Justin Rockett and had my whole arm taped due to tendonitis that just won't stop because I won't stop.... Wednesday went to an epic session with Elena Zaphara Bensonoff who guided me back to my feminine spirit (she is amazing if you have not been with her before!!!) Then held a group discussion at house with amazing women regarding balance with Charna Kety, Lindsey Kelly Finer, Kelly Breeding, Tristan Reiber, Bridgett O'Meara Yoga, and few others. Thursday had another massage with James Truitt and movement with Moses Bernard for one last playtime together. Friday taught yoga with my ladies Bella Prana Yoga and Meditation and off to Kodawari Studios for an epic deprivation float tank experience to mediate for an hour. Off to sleep I went. Thank you to all who support me on my journey. And much love to all of those who need LOVE.